Loss of loved ones can bring up powerful, devastating emotions. Grief feels like a punch in the gut. A single thought or reminder—and it’s another gut shot. As far as conventional wisdom goes, only time can heal these wounds. But is this actually true? People have been known to still experience grief years or even decades later. How is one supposed to “move on” and reconcile these experiences of loss that we will all eventually need to deal with?

What follows is a set of contemplations or questions one can meditate on that are proven to help bring about a sense of completion with the loss of a loved one. They are based on the Demartini Method®.

Question 1:

The first question can bring up a lot of emotion. That’s okay. Allow yourself to welcome and feel these strong emotions as you go through this process. You can’t run away from feelings, but you can get through them. Here’s the question: What specifically do you perceive yourself missing most about this person? Break it down into parts. Was it the words of encouragement? The smile? The pat on the back? The sense of humor? Find all the parts you miss most and identify those in your contemplation. This question shows you what you value most about this individual. Write these down as you go.

Question 2:

This one is less challenging emotionally but takes some intellectual effort. Ask yourself: From the time you perceived this individual to be missing until now, who emerged that displayed and demonstrated those same specific actions toward you? In other words:

• Who has given you words of encouragement since your loss?

• Who has smiled at you since then?

• Who has patted you on the back?

• Whose sense of humor has lifted you?

Consider and contemplate deeply on these new forms that have emerged. Allow yourself to appreciate the new forms in abundance around you. Begin noticing the parts of the person you loved and appreciated in their new form—a form that exists all around you, in many expressions rather than just one. Write these new forms down.

Question 3:

Something can happen in our perception after a person passes away. We grieve for the many parts of them we admired, and we completely forget how challenging they could be at times. This lopsided perception only adds to the grief, because we aren’t seeing them realistically. We’re seeing an inflated version of them—not the real, whole person with both supportive and challenging sides.

This next question helps ground us, bringing us back to reality where we can love and appreciate the whole person. Here it is: When you perceived this individual displaying and demonstrating the actions you miss most, what was the drawback, downside, or disservice to you?

For example:

• Did their words of encouragement come with too much expectation?

• Did their smile make you dependent on their approval?

• Was their pat on the back a little demeaning at times?

• Did their sense of humor sometimes grow tiresome?

Look for the downsides of the old form—the ways this person sometimes challenged you. Allow yourself to see both sides of them, the positive and the negative, and know that you loved them in spite of those challenges.

Question 4:

This is the last question, and it allows us to move forward while still holding love for the person who passed. It gives us permission to continue to live our best lives while appreciating what they meant to us.

Here’s the question: Go back to what you wrote down in Question 2—the new forms of the parts you admired most, which have emerged since your loved one passed. Now consider: What is the benefit and service of this new form to me?

Go through them one by one:

• How is each new form serving you?

• How is it helping in what matters most to you?

• How is it serving your family, your work, your business?

• How is it serving your friendships, your spiritual growth, your health?

Keep looking at how the new forms are serving you just as much as, and sometimes even more than, the old forms once did. Allow yourself to appreciate the many new forms and the many new benefits, in all their beauty.

If you’d like to go deeper with this process, or learn more about the Demartini Method®, I invite you to reach out through my contact page.