Sometimes I will have people reach out to me on behalf of someone they wish to help. Sometimes a relative that is living in their basement, or a close friend that is ill and having trouble dealing with the changes for example. 

They believe that their friend or relative needs help, and that they have already tried everything they can do to help or change them. 

But there is one thing that most of them have not tried, and that is “seeing” that other person in a new light, with a new perspective. 

We tend to underestimate the unintentional influence we have on others, and overestimate the intentional influence we have. All of this is happening under our radar, as we are subconsciously influencing each other every second. 

Just walk down the street, and as you pass strangers, pay attention to how you subconsciously influence each other. 

How you perceive them will change the way they behave, and how they perceive you will change how you behave in that instant. 

If they perceive you as friendly they may smile and say hello, this in turn brings out a big smile and friendly tone of voice on your side. 

But if they perceive you as a possible threat or unfriendly they may tense up as they pass you, and in turn your body may feel a moment of tension as they pass. 

This is all happening with someone we have never met. Now imagine all of the subconscious reactions that are happening with someone you have known for years. All of the times you have perceived them as doing something “right”, or something “wrong”. All of the times you have boxed them in as a certain type of person, with certain character traits. 

Your influence on them is very Powerful. This can be a positive influence or a negative influence. 

This is precisely why I recommend coaching for all of the people involved. Coaching can help you to perceive people you have known for years in a new way. This changes the social dynamic and can uplift the other person in a somewhat miraculous way, but it’s not a miracle, it simply human behavior. 

This can be applied with co-workers, family members, friends, and spouses. The possibilities are virtually unlimited. 

So, if you really want to help someone, take the time and effort to begin to see them in a new light, identify the traits you have put on them, and look for instances in which you have seen them do the opposite. 

This will break the pattern of limited perception, and by expanding your perception of them, you also allow them the space they need to expand themselves. 

Interested in Life Coaching, Contact me here for a Free Discovery Session. 

Calgary Life Coach Doug Spence